What Do You Get The Girl Who Hates Everything?

With the Holidays around the corner and my birthday only 11 weeks away, I'm sure you are all wondering what to get me. Tough, I know. Show up with too little and risk my wrath, too much and look like a kiss ass. Just kidding, there is no "too much".

Choosing the right gift is important. I have no doubt you have someone in your life who is hard to please, so here are some suggestions.

From lazyboneuk.com,  giant plushy microbes.

 I already have the Plague, as you know, but the others would be welcome. Stick to the top row if possible. There is nothing more pedestrian than giving someone "the flu".

Vikprjonsdottir.com has some of the most intriguing, yet 

repulsive knits I have ever seen. This blanket is much like the 

popular "as seen on TV" Snuggie, but obviously twice as good.

I am not sure if your are forced to stare at each other awkwardly across the sofa when you wear it. Maybe that is just an awesome side effect.

Etsy.com - Paraphernalia shop - Sleuth 

It's not that I want this. 

I NEED it. 

It is a necklace AND a disguise.

Seriously. 

Give it.

Now.

These knitting needles are gorgeous and lethal, just like me. I know, it seems silly to give me weapons. But just imagine what will happen if you don't. It's better for everyone If I get what I want. Get them now at oaklevelforge.com.

This is a pattern for a fish hat from Knitty.com. 

I would like someone in my life who would appreciate this enough to wear it. I will knit some right now. If you love me or fear me, you will wear the one I give you.

 This is the best thing I have ever seen.

So there you have it. A few of my favorite things. I feel like Oprah, but fatter, poorer, and less black. Whatever, at least my husband isn't a sissy and my best friend isn't Gail. Boo-ya!