Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Over the Thrill

We, as a culture, hold on to things for too long. We jump on the bandwagon and will ride it into the river given the chance. Before we all drown in Octo-mom frenzy, I give all of you permission to let the following things go.

MySpace - I am not impressed with your shitty band or the useless animated "thanks for the add" leprechaun. I would like to cyberstalk you in peace.

American Idol - I like the vapid, kinda gay one with the generic voice and sass.

Writing the word gourmet on stuff, even when it is not in fact gourmet. I'm talking to you Walgreen's Private Label "Gourmet" Root Beer

"Got -----" marketing campaigns. I saw this on a tow truck (got tow? - WHAT?) It is over.

"chillaxin". I call bullshit. This is not a word and it sounds stupid. Just as stupid as "chillin" did.

Unnecessary abbreviations to sound cool (ex. CNN Headline News is now HLN). While we are at it, you can all stop believing that CNN or HLN are real news. Robin Meade? Nancy Grace? Really?

Tolerating people who claim they "don't have time for TV". Bullshit. You just don't want to admit you watch it. BTW, watching it on DVD is still TV. And even if you don't watch, it doesn't make you a better person. It just make you boring and snotty.

"Funny" outgoing voicemail messages.

80's fashion. Just because the economy if giving us flashbacks doesn't mean we have to relive it. Let's learn from our mistakes people.

Using the phrase "Mother Earth". If you say this, I HATE YOU SO MUCH. Your mother is not Earth. Your mother is a chain smoking lunch lady with a bad perm and 2 ex husbands. The Earth is where you live, dumbass.

Fox "News". There is no point in reacting to or even acknowledging Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, etc. If someone agrees with these people, there is nothing you can do for them. Logic is obviously not a priority.

Celebrity "baby bumps". Getting knocked up is not a skill or talent.

Anything Gwyneth Paltrow or Madonna says or does.

Trying to get me to watch Ugly Betty. I haven't and I won't. So shut up.

Susan Boyle. People like her the same way they like that pug dog that says "I love you". Sympathy and condescension don't sell albums. Britney in a bustier does. Facts are facts people.

Let the hate mail begin!

1 comment:

Doug said...

Well done, especially the part on those who "have no time for TV". Love it.