You Say You Want a Resolution, Well, You Know....

The New Year is upon us. I am awesome the way I am, but you may need improvement. These are the resolutions I would like to suggest for those around me. 

Get more exercise.  I have a lot of errands. I often do not get to these, due to an incredibly busy social life. (People love me.) You could get out, see the city and get a workout by running those errands for me. Start with the dry cleaning. Thanks.

Be more responsible with money.  - Whether a cup of coffee or a beautiful skein of yarn, a gift keeps the demons at bay. By which, I mean me. I like soy lattes and green merino.

Talk less and listen more.  You going on and on about your day will only make me grumpier and therefore make it harder for me to keep my resolution to stop hitting people. Listen to me when I say "Shut up."

Spend more time with family. - You can start with mine. I can ignore them if you don't. Besides, after listening to your glaring failures and shortcomings, my mom will think I am a super hero.

Attend church more regularly. - Obviously you are in need of structure. Many people don't know this, but God is quite easily found. He is in my kitchen on Sunday mornings just past 11am. But he will only show himself and bless you if you make french toast. With bacon. 

I want you to be a better person because I care. Now seriously, shut up and flip the bacon.