Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It's Like Rain On Your Wedding Gay

There has been a lot of talk lately about how Gay Marriage threatens the sanctity of marriage. I don't claim to understand it. The only way I think my marriage could be threatened by gay marriage is if my husband and I were forced to dance at one. I hate to be put on the spot and my husband CAN NOT dance. There would be trouble. 

I have also heard that Gay Marriage threatens our children, values, religion, and way of life. I got to thinking and maybe "the straights" have a point. If we allow Gay Marriage, worlds will collapse. Life as we know it would crumble.

Fat Chicks. Fat chicks are a stable of gay culture. Straight fat chicks and gay men have formed bonds stronger than most marriages. They date, dance, confide in each other. They help each other forget the cruelty of a world that has left both of them single. If we allow Gay Marriage, fat chicks will be forced to solve their self-esteem issues and have intimate relationships with straight men. Even worse than that, they will be forced to serve as bridesmaids twice as often. The indignities will never end. The era of the "Fag Hag" will be all but lost. 

Weddings. Do you have any idea how hard it is to plan a wedding? Getting the venue you want, the caterer, the band. Now image fighting for your date with another bride AND a gay groom. There is no way you would win. All the best florists are gay. Guess who'll get preferential treatment. And wedding planners? Please. Who will have time for some homely straight girl who wants a princess wedding for 200. The planner would drop you mid-vows for a gay Carnival-style wedding with 500 guests, 3 ice sculptures and the 2007 Las Vegas Champion Cher Impersonator. Suddenly the decorator won't even be able to pretend your pink and green  polka-dot wedding theme doesn't make him nauseous. The very heteros who fought for the sanctity of marriage will be forced to have their weddings in the churches because the Opera House and Botanic Gardens will be booked. Imagine.

The Economy. Legal Gay Marriage would make it easier for homosexuals to form long term households. They would buy or build homes. They would decorate these homes and buy insurance for them. They would landscape and put in pools. With unemployment at its highest in decades, do you really think companies have the staff to handle the influx of business? No way. They would plan extravagant weddings. Do you think printers, musicians and tailors, etc are prepared for all the new wedding business? No. We cannot flood the economy will all this Gay Marriage money. 

Religion. Religion is often the biggest argument against Gay Marriage. It's a good thing marriage isn't a legal institution regulated by non-religious state and federal governments. It a shame the government forces churches to perform straight marriages even if the church does not endorse the union (doesn't it?) because surely it would force them to perform gay marriages that fell outside their doctrine. It's not like Gay Marriages could be officiated by judges, justices of the peace, or open minded clergy. Imagine if Christians had to take a long hard look at their beliefs and decided whether they were going to show God's love to everyone or not. Preposterous. 

When you look at the facts, it is hard to defend gay marriage. It just doesn't make sense. Unless, of course,  you are a reasonable person.