Day one - All Aboard
Our cabin steward says to call her "Sparky". I will call her "Twitchy" to myself.
Muhammad and his wife have just beaten us in a Mind Bender game. It is on. Jihad!
This ship is like Vegas without all the strippers. Or the desperation.
First show of the cruise - "Welcome Aboard" I found the strippers and the desperation.
The dining room is gorgeous. Our table is great, if you like surly teenagers.
Day Two - Ah! The Sea.
Judging by the attendance at the "Friends of Dorothy" meet-up, they include 3 middle aged men and the drunken sales team from a healthcare company.
This is the most bitter piano bar I have ever been in. Tom hates his life. He may stab Dorothy's friends.
Show 2. There is a talking couch. For real, yo.
White boy in white suit sings 'Minnie the Moocher'. It is even whiter than you think.
Ever wonder what happened to the kids who were REALLY into Show Choir? Found 'em.
Look! Ice Cream!
Day Three - Hola, Cozumel.
We have welcomed ashore by a traditional Mexican cochina. ------------> They call it Fat Tuesdays. How quaint!
We are 2 feet from the sun, but apparently in the cheap overpriced fake Mexican stuff you don't need capital of the world.
Aqua Fresca is awesome! But probably because it is mainly fruit and sugar not so much water and fresh.
Babies riding on motorbikes without helmets. Way to go Mexico.
Cozumel's main exports? Pottery and distain for Americans.
The sand on this beach is made of shards of glass and razors.
I think our cabbie is conspiring to have us killed.
Ooo! Ice Cream!
Day Four - Back to the Sea!
Bingo, bitches. 3 card bingo.
Muhammad's wife just won a jewelry giveaway. I may toss her overboard.
Word Jumble competition? That's why we cruise.
I like that some things are universal. I hate that one of those things is stupid drunk girls singing "Strawberry Wine" at karaoke.
Ugh. Ice cream.
Beatles Tribute Show. On a cruise ship. By extra white cruise performers and literal song reenactments. Yes, please.
"Please prepare to get off the boat."
"You do know you have to get off the boat, right?"
"Get off our boat! Now!"
"No, Seriously. GET OFF THE BOAT."