Sunday, August 30, 2009

Hell is (for) Children

We had our nephew and niece over for a visit last night. I think kids are fabulous. They are spectacular, but I am occasionally reminded there are a lot of things that we the childless take for granted. Minor joys, but joys none the less.

1. Eating. The kids ate half my dinner and all my breakfast. From 3 in the afternoon till noon the next day, they had a bag of grapes, 2 cups of broccoli, 1/2 a cookie sheet of cheese nachos, 100 cal pack of cheez-its, 2 slices of toast with jam, 1/2 a papaya, an omelet, 3 doughnuts, a cup of mixed fruit, 3 glasses of milk, 3 glasses of juice and an apple. On the upside, everything I put on my plate they ate. Children are instant portion control.

2. Sleeping. Kids don't sleep and really don't care if you sleep. These kids were no sleep, non-stop, no naps till 11:30. Up at 6 a.m. And not up at 6 a.m. like I am - half awake and groggy, stumbling and drowsy. But full force up. And forget going back to sleep. Quiet for kids is just under 6oo decibels.

3. Breathing. I found myself breathing shallow trying to avoid whatever germ it is that makes that boy's noise run non-freaking-stop. I don't consider myself a germ-a-phob, but if there will be a global pandemic it will be carried by the sticky, filthy hands of a 3 year old.

I'm not saying kids aren't full of limitless joy, but today, I will eat, sleep and breath what, when and how I want. Oh, and I'm gonna go pee right now, without being interrupted. Suck on that, moms.

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